lunes, 14 de enero de 2013

Tan Pequeña... // So small...



¿Quién soy y de dónde vengo?
¿Qué hay más allá del azul intenso que reflectamos, que se refracta, que se quiebra en el infinito?
¿Qué es la distancia?
¿Y por qué me siento tan pequeña?
¿Es mi historia única o es un patrón que se repite en vidas ajenas?
Quizás al otro lado del globo, en un país de este continente, en una provincia de este país, en una ciudad de esta provincia, en un piso de estudiantes de esta ciudad, en la habitación de al lado… Hay alguien preguntándose lo mismo.
Hay alguien que se arropa entre las sábanas para intentar cubrir el vacío de un corazón roto, para intentar llenar una ausencia y vaciar unos ojos que se desbordan como los míos.
Quizás, no muy lejos de aquí, pasé sin pena ni gloria. Quizás, allí lejos no soy más que un borroso recuerdo o el espectro que jamás volverá a pasearse por los pasillos de aquella biblioteca. Aquél Robin Hood que robaba sonrisas de los ricos para dárselas a los pobres; o que quizás se vanagloriaba tanto que se las guardaba para sí.
Quizás me sentí la reina del mundo un día cuando no pasaba de mera plebeya, encadenada a los giros de la Tierra y al fluir del tiempo, como si fuera un glacial descongelándose. Una herida que se desangra, una lágrima en las mejillas.
De todas las personas en el mundo ha resultado que quiero ser importante sólo para ti… Sí, para ti. Tú que lees esto, tú que estás a mi lado y no soy capaz de tocar en tu puerta y abrazarte, tú que haces tu vida dejándome en el tintero, tú que te olvidarás de mi cara, tú que me recordarás como una anécdota o tú, que no has llegado todavía.
¿Qué son las distancias y por qué nos importan tanto?
¿Qué son las murallas y las barreras si no algo contra lo que luchar?
¿Qué es un ejército entero comparado con el valor de un hombre?
¿Qué son las leyendas y qué es la gloria?
¿Qué es la fama y qué es el olvido?
¿Quién soy yo y a dónde voy?
¿Quién soy yo…
mas que un mísero grano de arena partido en dos?

//

Who am I and where am I coming from?
Is there something far away from here: from this blue light we reflect, we refract, we break in the Infinity?
What is distance?
And why am I feeling so small?
Is my story the only one told or there is more and more, all cut from the same cloth, there in foreign lifes?
Maybe, in the other corner of this world, in one country of the same continent, in one province of the same country, in one city of the same province, in one student flat in the same city, in the room nextdoor... There's someone that is asking the same.
There's someone who warps herself up in bed trying to cover the emptyness of a broken heart and trying to empty her eyes; eyes that are overflowing -like mines.
Maybe, not so far away from here I passed by unnoticed. Maybe, there so far away, I'm just a blurred  memory -or the spectrum that will never come back to walk around the corridors of that library. That Robin Hood that used to steal smiles to the rich ones and give them to the poor ones -or maybe she boasted about herself so much and she kept them with her forever.
Maybe I felt once like the queen of the world when I really was no more than a commoner, chained to the Earth moving and chained to time passing by, like if it was a melting glacier. A wound bleeding, a tear rolling down a cheek.
From all the people in the world I just wanted to be special for you... Yes, for you. You, who are reading this; you, who are by my side and I'm not brave enough to knock on your door and hug you; you, who are making up your life and leaving me unsaid. You, who will forget my name, my face; you, who will remember me as an anecdote; or you, who are not come yet. 
What are distances and why do we concern that much of them?
What are the walls and barriers if they're not something to fight against?
What's an army compared with the courage of one only man?
What are legends and what is glory?
What is fame and what is oblivion?
Who am I and where am I going?
Who am I...
if not a sand-grain divided in two parts?



Now Playing: Below my Feet --- Mumford & Sons



And that's all.

I will wait.

viernes, 4 de enero de 2013

Waking up after Dreams...



Exhibit A):

We are friends in a sleeping bag
Splitting the heat we have one filthy pillow to share
And your lips are in my hair
Someone upstairs has a rat that we laughed at
And people are drinking and singing Van Halen and Slayer
On a ukulele tear

Exhibit B):

Well, we found an apartment
It's not much to look at - a futon on a floor
Torn-off desktop for a door
All the decor's made of milk crates and duct tape 
And if we have sex they can hear us through the floor
But we don't do that anymore

And I lay there wondering what is the matter
Is this a matter of worse or of better
You took the blanket so I took the bed sheet
But I would have held you if you'd only let me

Exhibit C):

Look how quaint and how quiet and private 
Our pay checks have bought us a condo in town
It's the nicest flat around
You picked a mattress and had it delivered
And I walked upstairs and the sight of it made my heart pound
And I wrapped my arms around me

And I stood there wondering what is the matter
Is this a matter of worse or of better
You walked right past me and straightened the covers
But I would still love you if you wanted a lover

And you said all the money in the world
Won't buy a bed so big and wide
To guarantee that you won't accidentally touch me in the night

Exhibit D):

Now we're both mostly paralyzed 
Don't know how long we've been lying here in fear
Too afraid to even feel
I find my glasses and you turn the light out
Roll off on your side like you've rolled away for years
Holding back those king-sized tears

And I still don't ask you what is the matter
Is this a matter of worse or of better
You take the heart failure, I'll take the cancer
I've long since stopped wondering why you don't answer

Exhibit E):

You can certainly see
How fulfilling a life from the cost and size of stone
Of our final resting home
We got some nice ones right under a cherry tree
You and me lying the only way we know
Side by side and still and cold

And I finally ask you what was the matter
Was it a matter of worse or of better
You stretch your arms out and finally face me
You say I would have told you if you'd only asked me
If you'd only asked me
If you'd only asked me

If you'd only asked me...



Now Playing: The Bad Song --- Amanda Palmer & The Grand Theft Orchestra





And it was so hard to wake up in that bed -that familiar but strange bed; again. Reality was like a messy dream, like a whirl. Everything was in the same place where she left it, like a rough copy of her life five months ago. It was like if nothing ever happened. 

But that wonderful dream marked her more than she once thought -in her wrist still was the Midnight Sun shinning bright and hard, inked in black, oh, shinny black...

And in her mind was still burning the fire of freedom, the fire of passion and the fire of rage that she felt like part of her everyday. Everynight. 

She finally stood up, smiling but sad. She stirred her hair and finally, sighed-still thinking in that "Exhibit A)" when she was further away, in a parallel exhibit, in another bed and without another's arms.




I'm really back, after all. 



Once playing in Exhibition A): Divine --- Devin Townsend Project



I just have to forget some things, that's all. Maybe I should call the doctor Howard Mierzwiak. If only...